In ancient Rome, a philosopher named Agrippinus was invited to one of Nero’s grand banquets.
When he declined — not just declined, but said he hadn’t even considered attending — another philosopher asked him why. Most people, Agrippinus explained, see themselves like threads in a garment. They try to match the other threads in color and style, believing their job is to blend in perfectly with the whole.
But Agrippinus saw things differently.
“I want to be the red,” he said, “that small and brilliant portion which causes the rest to appear comely and beautiful. ‘Be like the majority of people?’ And if I do that, how shall I any longer be the red?”
I first read this story years ago and immediately thought: this is exactly the challenge facing every Asian American student applying to elite colleges today.
The Blending Trap
Every week I meet brilliant students who have done everything “right.” They’ve earned perfect GPAs in the most rigorous courses, received President’s Volunteer Service Awards, and music certificates through Level 10. They’ve held positions as club treasurer or secretary, founded fundraising clubs, and logged extensive volunteer hours.
These are impressive accomplishments. They represent years of hard work and dedication.
But here’s the painful truth: when every thread matches perfectly, none of them stand out.
A few years ago I worked with three students from different high schools, all applying to UC Berkeley. All had 4.0+ GPAs. All had 1500+ SAT scores. All were officers in their school clubs. All had Gold President’s Volunteer Service Awards. All wanted to major in STEM.
Like threads in the same garment, they canceled each other out.
The Students Who Became the Red
But there’s another way. As entrepreneur Naval Ravikant says, “Escape competition through authenticity.”
Cathy played piano — just like hundreds of other applicants. But instead of earning more certificates, she created “Little Chopins” and taught music to underserved elementary students. Her love of music became a bridge to service and leadership.
Peter excelled in band — but he went further. He developed an iOS app that transformed how his entire orchestra practiced. His passion for music merged with his interest in technology to create something genuinely new.
Angela stopped forcing herself to excel in subjects that drained her and built her path around what energized her: writing and literature. She became editor in chief of both her school newspaper and literary magazine. When her city sought a high school poet laureate, they found her with poems in hand. Barnard College accepted her Early Decision — not as another “perfect” Asian American applicant, but as a genuine literary voice.
And then there was Michelle. She had a 4.5 GPA, a 1560 SAT — and she loved to crochet. When she started working with me she made gifts for family and friends. By the time she left for the University of Chicago, she had started a project at Stanford teaching mothers-to-be to crochet baby blankets, and her club had made hundreds of blankets raising thousands of dollars for unwed mothers.
Crocheting got Michelle into the University of Chicago. Not despite being “unusual” — because of it.
What “Being the Red” Actually Means
Being the red doesn’t mean being loud or flashy. It means:
- Having the courage to be authentically yourself
- Creating rather than just achieving
- Making contributions that only you can make
- Standing out through genuine excellence, not through competition
The secret isn’t trying to become someone else. It’s becoming more fully yourself.
Every immigrant family that walks through my door carries generations of dreams. My job isn’t to remake those dreams. It’s to help make them possible — by helping their student find their red thread and pull it through.
⭐ Want to Find Your Student’s Red Thread?
Barbara Austin, PhD has spent 30 years sitting across the table from anxious families who did everything right and still felt lost. As founder of College Quest, LLC in the San Francisco Bay Area, she has guided thousands of students into Harvard, Princeton, Yale, MIT, Stanford, UC Berkeley and more. She is the author of the Great Strategies College Guides series.
